Love Bites

They are many ways to show someone that you love them! There is the famous three little words, 'I love you!' You can also write your loved one an intimate poem, or serenade them with a moving and heartfelt song. You can flood them with gifts, and tokens of your affection, or hug and kiss them lovingly. There are also some ardent lovers, who prefer to show their devoted love, by leaving love bites on their sweetheart's neck.

I wrote 'Love Bites' back in 1997, after being biting by a very voluptous, and fiery red-head. She was indeed a beautiful and seductive lady, and most people would have thought, how lucky I was to receive such an honour that New Year's Eve. Sadly, at the time, I fancied her daughter, who was nearer my age, and to make masters worse, this lady was a married women. In my defense, I never encouraged her to bite me, and only made pleasant conversation, or had the odd dance. I was also good friends with her husband, and for what seemed like a month or three, I felt so guilty, and hoped he would not find out.

You might think that I should have fended her off, but it is hard to push a lady away gently without hurting her, while she has sunk her teeth into you, and is holding on with a vice-like grip, similar to a Rottweiler! The funny climax to this story - Is that I found out that her husband always knew about the bite, and it was something they had both cooked up between themselves, to have a little fun with me.

To all those people who truly feel that love bites are romantic, I respect your opinion on the matter. Whatever works for you! But, for me personally, I do not like them. I find them crued, embarrassing, and you cannot help but feel that you are been branded like a cow, as though people do not trust your fidelity. From this unique experience, I later found inspiration to write this humourous poem. I hope you find it amusing! : )


Love Bites by Paul Featherstone

What is this fascination?
Can't see the real apeal!
Why people need a hickey,
To prove their love is real,
Maybe they're simply starving,
In need of a quick bite,
A secret vampire groupie,
Who preys upon the night.

Some find them to be horny,
They think it shows their hot,
So, what is so attractive,
In wearing a gross grot,
They'll prance around so cooly,
And give it some of that,
You may think you're so sexy,
But you'll just look a prat.

You swear it shows affection,
But it is simply a sign,
To say to would-be lovers,
Hands off - this person is mine,
Who was it that decided?
For on the neck is glum,
Discreteness is essential,
So, how about on your bum?

Time to rub in that tooth-paste,
To make the red go down,
But will it ease the swelling,
And, what about your frown,
No-one will ever notice!
You must be kidding mate,
You'll be the laugh of many,
Embarrassed by your fate.

Looks like you've being savaged,
By one verocious hound,
The jokes will be relentless,
As each one comes around,
They'll prod you and examine,
Rubbing your poor neck soar,
And say you used the hoover,
When you last cleaned the floor.

So, is it really worth it?
To take on all that grief,
The pain of someone's bite,
And their sharp knawing teeth,
The answer is very simple!
A way to find sheer bliss,
When you feel like loving?
Then say it with a kiss!